Potentially bad taste and whatevs but how much better would 'Battlefield' be if they'd given it to Rihanna? She would sound terrifying, which is really how Jordin ought to sound but instead she just sounds nice; I can't really imagine her having a proper all-out row, let alone ending up in a completely fvcked up relationship. Rihanna could've fvcking owned that thing.

In other news, here is a song that is better than Battlefield but sounds really quite a lot like it-


Ironically, Jordin could probably sing that one quite well. It's not that her version of Battlefield is actually appalling or anything, it's just disappointing in the sense of thinking what could have been. :( Poor Rihanna.

How is only twenty past three?! Hurry up 4pm, I want to get out of here, have a haircut and brush my (insanely painful, for some reason) teeth.

Angst later but for now, MEMO TO SELF: stop spelling 'walking' with two 'n's it is not the same at all.

What album should I buy in HMV this lunch time to cheer myself up? I am thinking a Hospital compilation if all else fails but feel like I want something interesting and new and LOUD. I have to go in there to get my dad a birthday present so might as well buy something listenable at the same time.

I'm actually listening to a far less proficient (altho enjoyably in-yer-face) drum'n'bass remix but this one is GREBT-


Altho if I had a shark under my bed I might stop snoozing in aquariums.

Edit: Blimey, am now inputting 'A Compton Christmas Cracker' -presumably not in association with NWA. The fact it is in the Penistone Paramount makes it no less funny.

rap lyrics i didn't expect-
like the cranberries has to let it linger

quite a good song too

no i haven't listened to anything apart from bobby friction for a few weeks.

obv. am not updating journal at work since that would be a) bad and b) wrong etc. BUT since katstevens is not here today i have to excitedly spew somewhere or else i would be entering things as 'OMGOMGOMG' instead of, y'know, song data.

ergo: OMG. last wednesday i discovered the two hourse of bosh show on bbc asian network and can confirm that this weeks is just as boshtastic (also apols to people i was rambling about this about to in the pub last week it was VERY EXCITING and i stand by my point about reynolds ignoring bhangra) altho it does not include a man with a west country accent calling himself DJ barbarix.

if you like yer d'n'b with very few interruptions, then for a free listen again thinger i can't think of that many more awesome things. also there's a song on there that i can't remember the name of but which may be the greatest thing i've heard this year.

back to pretending to do data entry, innit.

xx

ps: still don't have internet at my house but appear not to have anywhere to put my computer either so swings and roundabouts.

Right, moving house now; no internet for at least awhile.

If anyone burningly wants to get hold of me, leave a message here. I won't have access to my emails for a few weeks but might be able to get on lj.

If I owe you work & haven't sent it, it will be getting done and sent as soon as possible. I'm sorry I've been a total flake for the last month, repeated house moves/job interviews have sort of taken all my time. (I don't mean that in a sarcastic way; they actually just have)

xxx

Earlier this week I tried to interview Harry from McFly for Chartblog. Through no fault of Harry's this was a spectacular disaster. The interview (such as it exists) will be up on Chartblog itself soon but my justifying essay was, quite rightly, edited off by Fraser so here is the EXCLUSIVE (ie: not really, given I posted this under a f-lock earlier this week) inside story of what a completely amateur idiot I actually am. Oh and what we talk about when we talk about 'fangirls' and where the gender frontlines in music really are. And koganbot.

The crappy interview is also at the end; I'd appreciate it if anyone who wants to link to it credits Chartblog, though (although the editor might not...) it should be up there within the next few days, so just send a link back there.

Edit: It's now up on Chartblog here.

( let's convince ourselves it's all under control )

I think you should all be advised as to the existence of L'Amour La Morgue which appears to be hot nu metal totty Ian Watkins from them Lostprophets making boshing remixes of things, contrary to appearances. 0_0

There are free downloads so it's worth a shot innit. I quite like the 'Womanizer' one but then I don't like that song in the first place. The Brandy one was never going to be anything other than less good than the original but is pretty listenable, for all that and more subtle than the Freemasons might have been. Actually ok I really like it.

BASICALLY: are you bored on this Wednesday afternoon? Listen to some of this.

Edit: oh bugger, I was trying to post this on poptimists. Nevermind, will correct later when have hopefully done Orgafun and finished worrying about interviewing people.

I'll just leave this here...


THINGS TO DO TOMORROW:
1) Go to job interview for job in Camden that is inexplicably in Reading at 9:50am
2) Hopefully finish this by midday
3) Go to job interview at katstevens' workplace, nr Oxfud Circus, at 3:30pm
4) Fuck knows when that finishes, hopefully won't take too long; regret having moved interview time from 2:30pm to 3:30pm now but if my morning one overruns and it takes me ages to get there from Paddington I don't want to end up totally fucked; where the devil is Oxfud Circus anyway? Can I walk there? I have no money on my Oyster card so I sincerely hope so LONDON ADVENTURES, LONDON ADVENTURES, MAKE ME FEEL A BIT QUEASY WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEM AND I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS IN CAPSLOCK
5) Come back to Goring & Streatley, take off interview clothes, pick up 1x massive rucksack; this maneuver will be particularly difficult since I own 0x massive rucksacks
6) Go back to Goring & Streatley, get train to Reading and then to Haslemere
7) Pray to all relevant gods that a)have enough credit to call Ralph and b)Ralph answers the phone so someone can pick me up and take me to Lurgashall from Haslemere so I can spend the weekend in a field teaching kids to read maps
8) PROFIT!!!!

At least, there bloody better be profit. Currently running on budget of £-120, which I suppose is better than the £-258 of last week (that's minus as in 'in excess of my overdraft' not just 'in the red') so hey ho. I *think* I actually can still take money out, it's just deeply inadvisable. Uhm.

They are taking up four feet of concrete from our downstairs bathroom floor because the sewage pipe is cracked. Just when I thought I might have a shower again one day. At this rate there are actually going to be more opportunities to shower in a field than in my parents' house.

Why does Gmail keep advertising me the Vineyard Spam Salad? I am not subscribed to any luncheon meat newsletters, neither am I interested in taking out such subscriptions.

'Easy Lover' will never not be an amazing song. Not that I actually have a mental list of my top 100 favourite songs ever (in any particularly solid form, anyway) but it would definitely be in the top 30. ~it's the only way you'll ever knooooow

I am very achey and it's just occurred to me that John had flu last week. If I die let it be known that it was probably fitting, given how much I like sausages.

I am cynically suspicious that this (Swine Flu, for anyone not keeping up) has not been closed down (since the obvious thing to do would be to stop people moving around from Mexico as much as possible, then deal with the isolated cases elsewhere) because there's a global recession & it's only going to bump off the very poor, very sick and very old. This would show a remarkable (although far from uncharacteristic) lack of foresight, seeing as a pandemic situation would obviously mean it evolves into potentially anything. I mean, when you're playing Pandemic some fuck always shuts down the affected areas and stops them spreading but apparently none of the world's leaders spend their free time playing Flash games.

I am writing A Thing about lulz trumping srs bsns in the music industry (specifically, that more people in a recession want to hear 'Combination Pizza Hut And Taco Bell'* than want to listen to Tom From The Enemy tell them that they're miserable and unemployed; yes, thank you for that insight) and think I'm slightly thin on the ground re: lulzy tracks. Is there anything that brings the lulz (and I mean, in a deliberate manner that's sort of witty, even if it's essentially stupid) that you've heard this year? I am thinking The Lonely Island (who I've sort of got round to liking by dint of never reading anything about them since I know it will only offend me and trying to avoid my indie friends attempts to explain to me that this is all a big parody of those terrible rapper people) and Andrew WK's mixtape thing and idk. I'm sure I had far more examples of this before I started trying to write about it. Tits.

I was going to say something about Asher Roth's outburst of racial cuntery but it makes my brain feel weird even imagining someone said this- [WARNING: ALEX M DO NOT READ, WILL CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGING BLOOD PRESSURE LEVELS; I DISCLAIM ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR HARM INCURRED BY READING ON]

"When I dropped that . . . (I thought) 'You guys are always going off about how much money you have. Do you realize what's going on in this world right now?' All these black rappers - African rappers - talking about how much money they have. 'Do you realize what's going on in Africa right now?' " Roth says.

"It's just like, 'You guys are disgusting. Talking about billions and billions of dollars you have. And spending it frivolously, when you know, the Motherland is suffering beyond belief right now.'

I can't even start on that. It's just unbelievably, head-explodingly awful. That he's saying it regarding his fuck-awful rendition of A Milli is the actual atomic bomb on the nuclear stockpile. I just. Have no words, y'know? There are actually no words. I could not think of even a hallucinogenically drunken second when I can even imagine how someone would think 'WHOA, IT'S A GREAT IDEA TO SAY THIS, THIS IS DEEP' let alone obviously consider it something that he's taken time to develop. I mean, how the fuck idiotic do you have to be? Do people think like this? Is this how people think? I really fucking hope it isn't.

Read more (if you actually want to have some kind of haemhorrage) here. I think I will write an essay on it tomorrow but for now I need to go and horizontalise for the sake of my frontal lobe.

*This, not some dystopian affection I'd acquired for the Fast Food Rockers.

My bank have called me three times today and I've genuinely managed to not quite get to the phone in time every time. Go me! I don't really see why I should speak to them about "the status of my job search" anyway. "Well as you can see I don't earn any money, so that's a bummer for the both of us."

Also, unless it is regarding tentacles there is no place for "slippery appendages" in fanfiction. I mean... whut?

But whatevs, it's sunny. Have a Lil Chris remix I found yesterday:
http://www.box.net/shared/b54oposgb4
V. GOOD, TICK. Lil Chris is ace, I hope he's going to make another proper album rather than just rehashing a few bits of the first one again.

Recent (ie: mostly not) albums, potted:
Bloc Party- Intimacy Remixed: 8/10 (I still don't understand why more wasn't made of Intimacy in the first place but the remixes are properly great, too; apocalyptic rave alert etc.)
Boxcutter- Areceibo Message: 8.5/10 (yey dubstep; I never know how to talk about this kind of thing but it's got those jangly messy noises I like and plenty of scuttle-funk)
Fightstar- Be Human: 5/10 (could be improved very, very considerably by stopping Charlie singing, I won't lie; obviously some people enjoy that but similarly to Beyonce, I just don't get it and it's terribly offputting; instrumental parts excellent if a bit enamoured with their own grandeur but then again, that's rock music for you)
Paper Chase- Someday This Could All Be Yours pt. 1: 7/10 (urgh I love dischordancy; this is also completely overenamoured with its own grandeur but it's so ugly in the first place that's sort of ok)
The Gentlemen Losers- Dustland: 8/10 (yey ambient shoegaze bollocks)
Pumajaw- Favourites: 5.75/10 (semi-yey ambient shoegaze bollocks, could do with considerably less jazz)
Depeche Mode- Sounds Of The Universe: 9/10 (which is overenthusiastic because I am MAD FOR THEM but it truly is jolly good; pretty and aggressive in the right parts, like Playing The Angel's angry sibling and my god, 'Wrong' is so awesome)
Scale The Summit- Climbing Desert Canyons: 5/10 (contrary to Fightstar, needs vocals added; PAGING SIMPSON, C.)
Jazmine Sullivan- Fearless: 9.75/10 (and that's just for 'Call Me Guilty' -the whole album seriously is absolutely brilliant tho; songs abour running away from things and heart-fluttering fear and dreams and hopes and fucking and 'Dream Big' is possibly my favourite thing I've heard this year why did I not take it to the radio ffs?)

And that's probably enough for now. Guess who's meant to be writing a Maximo Park review?

Part of something I am writing:




The internet is great, y/y?

( more fun with blingee tags )

There is precisely NO ASPECT of the Tinchy Stryder/N-Dubz thing I like, other than the fact it sounds like Taio Cruz may have made some pocket money off it and I can't begrudge the dude a few quid but I think the absolutely worst thing is when Dappy sings the 'from my 'omie to my only' bit in the chorus with a sort of pompous idea of IMPORTANCE only normally found in the more absurd outer reaches of things with post- in the genre name.

Post-grime? :( x a billion

(also this is one of those slightly odd moments when me and alexmacpherson have to agree about a musical thing, ie: when the universe has been proved irredeemably WRONG)

Speaking of whom; I was on the radio with Lex, freakytrigger and Pete Baran, who I assume has an lj but I know not what or where, on Saturday. You can listen to it or even download it Here.

I got beaten up by some racists in Elephant & Castle underground station on my way home. I assume they thought my ideas about eighties fetishism were too vague. [edit: I should add that I am ok, I just hit the platform really]

In 'totally missing the point entirely' news, here is the very worst cover of 'Wuthering Heights' ever made, as found by my mother.

My bank just called me to tell me I'm £189 over my overdraft but they're apparently happy with that. ????

I was going to make a huge emo post but instead I'll just leave this here- (courtesy by linkage of lapifors, whom I go to for all my Zefron-related .gif needs)


and go and have a bath.

I am going to have to pull an all nighter to get all my work done. How the hell does this still happen when I am neither in education nor employed?

As part of THE WORLD'S policy of preventing me doing anything for longer than 20 minutes, I am in a tearing hurry but I've been meaning to do this for ages and just finished it so-

( master list of all my Chartblog reviews, bar the ones I've forgotten about )

ANYWAY, lyrics meme time. You know the drill; first lines of an arbitrary number of songs that come up on shuffle. Where the song name appeared in the title, I have replaced it with a work or well-known concept by Immanuel Kant.

I skipped things that either a) weren't really mine (I have a load of Jamie's music on my computer from when he was between hard drives, so there's mystifying quantities of dub cover versions of Pink Floyd...) or b) didn't have any words.

( procrastinator procrastinator you're a procrastinator baby )

STOP PRESS, STOP PRESS:
PUNK GOES POP VOL. 2 IS NOT THE WORST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.*

In fact, it is actually quite good. Here is the spotify link:
http://open.spotify.com/album/5rpnTqEUuEwubdneAcm43z

I mean, it's not good in many ways but it does maintain a vague level of listenability and respect for the source material, has comparatively high production values and isn't completely smug. Smug, after all, is not punk.

There are the questionable choices of 'Flagpole Sitta' as a pop song to cover (I might be wrong but that's not exactly Britney) and the mind-shatteringly awful cover of 'Love Song' by Sarah Bareilles (although that does flag up the extremely emo lyrics) not to mention the inevitable cover of 'I Kissed A Girl,' which sounds like Metro Station (ie: not very good) and a confusingly redundant version of 'See You Again'** in the style of a happy hardcore version of Freezepop (except not as good as that implies) but to balance this there's a really quite wonderful reworking of 'Beautiful Girls' as a wittily self-conscious (at least, I hope so) emo number, a tender (and faithful) version of 'Ice Box' by Omarion, The Cab's really-very-good version of 'Disturbia' which suffers only from an overenthusiasm for vocal effects shared by the original and two of the inevitable metal (or well, screamo with decent drummers) Britney covers, which don't actually suck.

I was all ready to hate, too; I'm probably going to have acid reflex for days from all the bile I'd worked up. Damn you and your surprisingly listenable cover of 'What Goes Around...', Alesana.

Of course, this may just be the inevitable deterioration in standards caused by having listened to the Eoghan Quigg album earlier in the week, which is every bit as rubbish as everyone has been saying and generally demonstrates a total lack of care for the actual listenability of the product so unsubtle that even record label executives must be embarassed. D:***

*Punk Goes Crunk defends that title. By, like, a good mile.
**Actually this possibly ought to be in good section but the rendition of the chorus is quite mindboggling awful and I've just realised the singer's a man and oh my god, why are you putting screamo vocals in now? I suppose it is an interesting melange, it may grow on me.
***I asked Tom From McFly whether it was them or Universal who let him cover 'All About You' and there was general silence in reply. I trust this was because he was very busy, not because it actually was them...

Talk of favourite tracks of 2009 thus far on poptimists and generally not having anything interesting to say leads to ( in mah music collekshun, makin playlists to feel construktiv )

Album of the year thus far:



Oh, fucking bring it on. It's tremulous and punky and wading neck-deep in treacle-thick fuzz and it's angry but it'll never tell you that outside its bedroom. And it will never say these things to your face but it sobs them into its pillow. It is late nineties bedroom rock emo wank tossery and also pretty as hell and as aggressive as a freight train. It's an album you could fuck Michael Cera's pretty face off to and an album for temporary fantasies of individualist actions and necessary truths or freedoms on a sunny afternoon. It is lonely and simplistic about complexity. It's too old for this but still doesn't want to end up boring. It makes me write like some kind of dickhead.

It's shoegaze bullshit but it's melodic, determined shoegaze bullshit, all hopelessly romantic and wondering what to kick but not entirely without purpose or end and shit if it doesn't have cellos. Cellos, motherfuckers.

You'd probably all think it was a big ol' pile of toss and fair enough, really. It is my favourite, tho.

(you can go and download it here, using the second link)